1.3 You matter more than this mission
In pursuing my mission to upgrade love, I’ve ended up living inside a…
Double irony.
First…
My upgrade mission began in a burst of hope for myself but took me directly into the death of hope for the world.
It’s not that I wouldn’t have ended up there anyway through my activism. I remember back in the 60s the bright–eyed optimism we had. I actually believed that when we made progress, when we won a victory, it was ours for keeps. It couldn’t be taken away from us again because that wouldn’t be fair. Talk about naïve.
Now here we are 50–plus years later, and while some things are better, the big picture is worse. We’re in deeper trouble than ever. And this failure of activism is a hope killer. But my upgrade mission took me to the bottom faster.
And the second irony?
This mission turns out to be exactly what I need in order to deal with the darkness it took me into.
I used to say this upgrade mission has a dark side, but that’s not true. It takes place in a dark context. The context of reality. The reality of the human operating system and the world it’s created for us.
But the mission itself is nurturing.
Ahead in this book, there are blessings, lots of them, but also rough passages. And they might be more than you’re ready for. This mission is not for everybody. Not even for most people.
So first things first, and…
What comes first is you.
And I want to be very clear that as far as I’m concerned…
You matter more than this mission.
We live in a gung–ho culture where there’s pressure to go for it and just do it. But the important question is what will going for it do to you?
You’ve probably heard the slogan…
Feel the fear and do it anyway.
There’s a popular book with that title and lots of self–help gurus use that phrase. And it can be helpful sometimes. Let’s say you’re well prepared for a challenge you’re taking on, but you’re just feeling a bit of ordinary anxiety, then sure, push through.
But sometimes fear is a serious warning. It tells us to not do something risky that we’re not ready for. And when you’re taking on a big challenge—like upgrading love—it’s smart to listen to your fear and see what it’s got to say to you. See how it’s trying to take care of you.
For example, during the Winter Olympics, I get fascinated with those giant ski jumps. I’d like to experience for myself what it feels like to shoot off the end of the ramp and sail through the air for thrilling seconds, almost touching the tips of my skis to my nose, then landing gracefully, careening downhill, and coming to a sudden stop amid the sound of applause.
But there’s no way I’m going to position myself at the top of one of those jumps, feel the fear and do it anyway. I’d break bones. Lots of them. Especially since I’ve never even been on a beginner’s slope.
Instead of following ham–handed imperatives, no matter how trendy they are, I urge you to always be…
Smart and strategic.
Which means as you make your way through this book…
If there are moments when the reading becomes too hard, take a time out, watch reruns, settle in with a romance novel, go camping, whatever works for you so you can rest up and get your moxie back.
If the reading becomes way too hard, declare a state of emergency and go get yourself an ally. Find a coach or a therapist or a friend who knows this territory to help you get back in action and keep you company as you move forward.
And if this book becomes impossibly hard, if what you need to do is quit reading altogether, then please do that, please quit. And feel good about taking care of yourself in that way. After all…
It’s not like we’re saving the world here.
Please engage this mission and take this journey only…
If you really want to…
Because…
It’s going to give you what you need.
